| Celtic's cup celebrations at
Hampden were cut short on Saturday amidst amazing scenes as manager Martin O'Neill was
instanteously taken up into Heaven accompanied by archangels tootling on trumpets. "There's
been some mistake" an ashen-faced Cardinal Winning told waiting press, "all I
meant when I was praying to God on Friday night was that Martin should go to Heaven if we
won the Cup. I didn't mean right away."
Spokesangel Gabriel, speaking for the Deity, expressed some frustration with the
costumed cleric's carping: "Honestly, there's no pleasing some people. That bloke
Winning's been on to us all season praying for intercessions, now we give him what he
asked for and now he's moaning about it. Jesus Christ Almighty give us a break." |
Cardinal Winning is to launch an
immediate appeal, aiming to reverse O'Neill's promotion to Paradise. It's likely that he
will invoke the three day rule, allowing O'Neill to resume human existence early in the
coming week. "If the appeal fails" Cardinal Winning went on,
"I'll be taking the matter further with a higher authority than God."
Manchester United, rumoured to be keen to lure O'Neill way from Parkhead are
said to be cooling on the move given the circumstances: "We feel that it would be
difficult for Martin to discharge his managerial duties at Old Trafford while also sitting
at God's right hand." |
