| In a outbreak of honesty,
representatives of the tobacco and alcohol industries admitted yesterday that they thought
Scotland's abysmal health record was in fact, "just fine" and a testament to the
industries' unstinting work in promoting addictive and carcinogenic drugs. Termed by the World Health Organisation the sick man of Europe, Scotland tops
every list in the prevalence of avoidable, dietary cancers. A cause for celebration, a
spokesman from the Fags and Bevvie community insisted.
Speaking to the monthly meeting of Scotland Against (illegal)
Psychotropic Drugs, the spokesman pointed out that instead of being seen as a cause for
concern, Scotland |
should take pride in leading the
world in creating and maintaining jobs in the dietary cancer sector. "Let's do away with all this negativity, look at the positive aspects of
this record instead. A small nation, once disproportionately blessed with innovative
scientists, engineers and doctors, shows the way again. I can tell you that it makes me
damn proud, as an American citizen, resident in Zurich for tax purposes."
Susan Deacon, the health minister looked rather
uncomfortable, conflicted by her need to discharge her health brief while, at the same
time, desperate to stay on message while Mad Tony spends all his time sucking up to
rapacious plutocrats. |
