The committee of
the Scottish Parliament charged with looking at the vexed question of GM foods called this
week for caution in fuckin’ about with scran. A spokesgenome told The JT: "We
call upon the Executive to exercise caution when allowing trials of GM crops - or, in
other words, fuckin’ about with scran."
The committee’s findings are thought to be influenced by reports from the
village of Munlochy, close to the Black Isle site of trials of GM rapeseed, that suggest
there is the possibility of cross-species transfer of genetic modification.
"We feel that the scientific controls of the
experiment might not be as robust as first thought. The continuing siege of the Munlochy
Post Office by rabid ambulatory Kerr’s Pinks suggest that cross-fertilisation might
be occurring." |
Pausing only to lay down
suppressing fire at a horde of charging spuds, village policeman Angus concurred with the
committee’s assessment: "I don’t know how long we can
hold out here. We’re running low on ammunition for the pulse rifles, we’ve only
got ten grenades left and Mrs Mackie who runs the Post Office has just been dragged over
the counter and mashed to bits. God knows what’ll happen when it gets dark as
Kerr’s Pinks have got loads of eyes."
Responsible minister and George Clooney lookalike Ross Finnie called for calm
despite reports that 12-foot high leeks have been spotted in Munlochy queuing for the
Inverness bus. |
