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"Don’t panic! Don’t panic!" etc. as Navy hands out radiation pills.
In a move that wins this week’s You Couldn’t Make It Up award hands down, the Royal Navy is to hand out potassium iodate tablets to locals of Broadford on Skye.

The tablets are to guard against radiation sickness in the event of a leak from nuclear subs docking in Broadford Bay.

The Royal Navy's Captain Ian Lofthouse said, (and I swear this is true):

"To actually get to the point where these tablets would be absolutely necessary, the radiation (from the nuclear subs) would have had to escape from three separate barriers. You're looking at numerous failures in one go, and really that is extremely unlikely."

And the purpose of this dock in Broadford Bay? To function as a designated emergency mooring for nuclear submarines.

 

A five-year-old contacted for comment by The JT questioned the logic being used in defence of mooring dicky nuclear subs next door to 2000 people:

"It all depends what your definition of an emergency is. Within the context of a nuclear reactor sitting just one bulkhead away from your dangly bits, it's unlikely that a sub would berth just because the Captain fancied a fish supper for his tea or the DVD of ‘Finding Nemo’ was due back at the Broadford Video shop.

It's much more likely that an emergency mooring would suggest something radioactive leaking. I would therefore suggest to locals that if they see a sub’s crew running away very fast, then it's probably a good time to take the tablets."

The JT’s source declined to comment further as he wanted juice and a biscuit prior to settling down to watch The Wild Thornberrys.

Inside: Presumably, summer visitors to Skye would be given the tablets as well. Christ, talk about Ceud Mille Fàilte….
January 2004

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