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| "Smoking area on
left wing now open." |
| The world’s
largest aircraft, capable of carrying 800 passengers was rolled out in France this week.
Builders of the double-decker Airbus A380 plan to include a bar, library and gym onboard. That’s
all well and good but The JT reckons that the aircraft flying on routes from Glasgow
during Fair Fortnight will require further modification…
- Gym idea dumped in favour of extending the bar entire length of aircraft. I mean,
we’re talking Weegies here for Christ’s sake.
State of the art avionics system modified to allow on-line karaoke.
Capacity of plane increased to 1000 by allowing passengers access to standing-room only
option.
Conductor to be employed charged with shouting "Move along inside please,
we’ve got another 100 folk to get on!"
Smoking area to be opened on left-hand wing of aircraft during flight. Passengers to be
issued with magnetic shoes.
On-board navigation system to be modified allowing only one flight plan choice:
Glasgow-Magaluf, Magaluf-Glasgow.
On take-off, captain to fly the aircraft at treetop height over the schemes so
passengers can wave to relatives and friends on the ground.
Passengers travelling on top deck to be allowed to sit behind the driver, flicking
vickies at him when he’s not looking.
Passengers at the front-end of the aircraft will board in Paisley High Street,
passengers boarding at the rear will get on in George Square.
Conventional economy, business and first-class arrangement to be replaced with one
class: "Weegie ruminant."
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| Inside: " Good
morning, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Any mair of that throwing
empty lager cans at me and yer aw aaf." |
January 2005
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