Top boffins at Dundee
University this week announced their role in the Euro-wide Exgenesis project, charged with
looking at the role exercise plays in preventing the onset of Type 2 diabetes.In
launching the project, Professor Graham Hardie suggested to BBC Online that "It may
also be feasible to develop a drug that mimics the effects of exercise for those people
who are unable to undertake it themselves."
Contacted for comment, Professor Beaker of Stirling’s Department For Fat, Lazy
Bastard Studies predicted widespread confusion ahead. "Consistent with
Scotland’s leading role as Tubby Central, I predict widespread confusion ahead."
Beaker believes that the idea of a drug that mimics the effects of exercise would have
great appeal to Scotland’s legions of the calorifically-advantaged.
Beaker argues that, as a nation, we will read Professor Hardie’s statement in a
very specific way.
Thus the word "drug" will be taken at face value, since we all like drugs.
Drugs are good.
While the larger phrase, "a drug that mimics the effects of exercise for those
people who are unable to take it themselves" will, by a process of wishful thinking
be transformed in meaning into "A drug that means you can eat and drink what you want
and still be thin without bothering with all that exercise crap."
Speaking from the pub, The JT’s resident source on all matters tubbular
commentated: "It's high time that as a nation we got to grips with the problem of
obesity and its role in diabetes. I applaud the work that Dundee Yooni is undertaking and
I will play my part - by going down the Doctor’s on Monday to pick up the script for
the magic pills."
