Firefighters were called to Glasgow Royal Infirmary to rescue the victim from the basement. It is understood that the 50-year-old man's wheelchair had got stuck in the lift doors. A spokesman for Strathclyde Police said: "A lift within Glasgow Royal Infirmary collapsed at ground level and a male casualty was trapped inside.

The man was rescued from the lift shaft and was being treated in hospital for arm and leg injuries." BBC News OL, 220105

Christ eh, talk about nae luck? But as these unpublished reports make clear, the pair guy’s problems were just beginning as he headed downwards…

• Man, wheelchair, tumble down lift-shaft, closely followed by descending lift.

• Porters wheeling a grand piano for a hospital charity concert, lose control of piano, piano last seen trundling towards open lift doors.

• Firefighters drop rope ladder down to man, ask him if he can just climb up by himself.

• Paramedics successfully winch victim up on stretcher, until that is, retainers on stretcher give way. Man slips out of stretcher, remains frozen in mid-air until he realises the fact. Resultant screams and thump heard by shoppers in the High Street.

• Wheeling the victim along the corridor, giant anvil materialised out of thin air and plummets floorwards with predictable results.

• Wile E. Coyote’s "Acme" pit with sharpened sticks triggered by approach of stretcher. "Beep, beep!" Roadrunner comments.