As you know, Scottish Enterprise is the lead body in implementing the Executive’s "Smart, Successful Scotland" strategy. What you might not know is that The JT is also in receipt of squillions of your money through the less well known "Sarky, Snidey Scotland" Strategy, a fund to ensure that our nation remains at the forefront of political and social satire growth clusters vis a vis satiric, synergic cognate groups etc etc.

Anyway, it appears that my funders have been looking back at the traditional JT Review of The Year Service and they’re not pleased. Apparently they think that me choosing what goes into the review betrays my lack of "customer focus" and more, shows that I’m not sufficiently "customer facing" in my failure to have the Review reflect the interests of the JT readership.

To cut a long story short, they’re insisting that this year, I publish a top ten of reader choices going back to the inception of The JT or they’ll be looking again at the whole funding scenario.

Now while in general it would make as much sense to simply shovel money out of low flying helicopters to stimulate economic growth instead of the way SE usually goes about pissing your money against the wall, this obviously does not apply to the brilliantly targeted strategy of giving money to me.

Therefore, to keep them happy, below please find your all time readers' favourites based on the number of times readers search on a particular story via the search engine. I have arrived at the selection using formulae too complex for anyone else to understand so you’ll just have to take my word for the verity of the portfolio presented.

Thanks again for the support you’ve shown The JT in 2004 and special thanks to my SO and our Webmistress who makes the thing possible.

So, without further ado, pop-pickers, here’s that all important countdown of the Top Ten all-time faves selected by you, the great JT reading public.

In at number ten, it's: Fat Bastards, a perennial favourite with dieticians everywhere dating from January 2001.

And at number nine, hey, hey it’s The Krankies:  There was a lot of searching on this story in early-Decemberish of last year, A fact can I only put down to the wee wumman in The Krankies falling on her head at the time. Presumably some sick people out there thought I was going to pass comment on that incident. Shame on you. You’ll just have to make do with the story above, dating from March 2001.

If this was one of those interminable C4 "Top 100" shows it would be time for a commercial break, but no, because straight in at number eight is: Dundee United again from March 2001, a tortuous example of how it's just about possible to link DUFC with Afghanistan.

And of course now, in 2005, the question to be asked is: "What’s the difference between DUFC and Afghanistan?" To which we of course we reply; "One’s a complete basket case while the other is a mountainous country in the Near East." Arf.

At seven, its that man again, Lord "Fatboy Fat" Fraser, with: The Fraser Inquiry, from November 2003. A feature that spookily predicted that final outcome of That Inquiry - altho’ to be honest, it wasn’t that hard was it?

And at six, a gag from June 2000 stalks The Earth yet again, scaring the children and making horses rear up in fright while saying "Neigh!" : Margo McDonald

At six, I’ve no idea why this is so a recurring favourite with readers, you read it and decide: Tinseltown

At five, someone up there really doesn’t like Robin Cook , as this suspiciously popular gag demonstrates, probably.

And finally, if you’ve managed to stay awake, it's number one! It's Top Of The Pops! It's: Tommy Sheridan

Practically prehistoric, this tender tribute to the tawny trot remains the most hit upon story in the squillions of stories ensconced in the archive. Go figure...