| With just weeks to go before
hunting with dogs is outlawed in Scotland, indigenous representatives of the vulpine
community are already expressing concern that they may be swamped by their English
cousins. "They’ll be moving up here, in, er, the fox equivalent of droves,
killing all the livestock we usually eat, and the cost of dens will rocket" - that
was the shock assessment of a talking fox who talked to the JT.
"It’ll be just like that legislation here to look after the elder members of
your species" the coppery scamp explained, "You lot won’t be able to move
for English Grannies flocking, or whatever it is Grannies do, here to demand personal
care."
Reluctant to appear to exhibit the fox equivalent of
xenophobia, the be-brushed predator was prepared to make concessions. |
"We don’t mind our
southern cousins hanging around just on the border, that way if an English based hunt
appears, they can just step over into Scotland and flick vickies at them with impunity. I
mean, taking the piss out of mounted murderers is a good laugh but we don’t want them
moving in next door to us. They’ve all gone and got David Beckham style fur–cuts
you know, it just looks stupid." Meanwhile, with the characteristic charm and sense
of the public mood that marks the killing-things-for-a-laugh lobby in Scotland, this week
sees a new low reached in their attempts to overturn the banning legislation.
A spokessadist told the JT: "Many hounds will
have to be put down if hunting is banned, which will be a tragic waste of animal
life." A poster is being produced, illustrating a lovely foxhound puppy with a gun at
its head . The accompanying copy reads :"Let us kill animals or the puppy gets
it." |
