| Her Royal Highness The Princess
"Not at All Torn Faced" Anne, graced Loch Lomond last week with her presence,
officially opening the nation’s first national park. HRH, flanked by
representatives of the Scottish Executive, Scottish Enterprise, Scottish Forest Enterprise
and Scottish Buses, spoke for many when she expressed the hope that the new park
designation would mark a new era in managing our nation’s fauna, flora and other
brands of margarine.
"For too long" HRH brayed attractively, pausing only to sight her
Remington riotgun at a passing rabbit, "our Highland habitat has been exploited as a
mere playground for the rich and indolent to while away the meaningless minutes of their
empty lives by blasting all kinds of fuck out of innocent wildlife, but with this new
park, all that is it an end. And only people of breeding and discernment will now be
allowed to dispatch God’s creatures which is a |
good thing in my view. And
therefore, by definition, is right." Later, on the Luss shore, HRH
paused to watch some over-friendly snipe scavenge the foreshore and her entourage
applauded politely as she deftly managed to pull a Glock 9mm out of her handbag, bagging
three snipe without spilling her tea.
The only sour note in the days proceeding came when longhaired animal activists
deplored HRH’s use of a 2in mortar to bracket a family of inquisitive otters prior to
finishing them off with a daintily lobbed fragmentation grenade.
Meanwhile, praise is coming in for the newly built National Park visitor’s
centre which fits beautifully into the loch’s environs. The not at all looming
monstrosity is understood to be a shoo-in for the upcoming "Concrete Pill Box of the
year award." |
