| With the review of Scotland’s
airport needs now underway, Transport Minister Alastair Darling promised this week that
Glasgow will not lose out. The Edinburgh MP told the JT:
"There’s been a lot of ill-informed speculation that Glasgow airport will not
come out well in the review. This is nonsense. Can I state here and now that Glasgow
airport will get a new runway and Edinburgh won’t. The reason is simple, the planned
deployment of a Saurrarian stargate matrix at Turnhouse does not require a runway."
As readers of the JT will know, the only previously recorded instance of a
stargate matrix in use, is the one only residents of Bonnybridge can see, but Mr Darling
insists that the new facility at Edinburgh will be more effective. "Incoming tourists
from the Planet Thargg would take one look at Bonnybridge and immediately execute another
jump through the stargate to get as far away from the town as possible before the pubs
shut. Edinburgh on the |
other hand, is ideally located at
least 40 miles away from Slumtown, or Glasgow to use its other title, and will provide our
alien visitors with an attractive intergalactic holiday destination." The
ongoing transport review is likely to see upgrades at other Scottish airports with
Prestwick receiving a facelift but only after the safe removal of 100 tons of 1960s
vintage wood veneer. And Dundee won’t be left out, with the tiny Tay-based airstrip
benefiting from a state of the art winding thing to ensure that departing aircraft have
really tightly wound rubber bands.
The funding for Dundee does come with conditions attached - locals must in
future desist from throwing spears at overflying Great Silver Birds.
The Budget for improvements to Edinburgh is set at £100B leaving 50p to be
shared out by airports in places that don’t matter.* |
