| It's Ker-ching! city for
Scotland’s hard pressed legal community this week, as one set of Wee Frees take on
another set of Wee Frees in the civil courts. Professor Beaker of God Bothering Studies at Stirling
University explains: "Usually the nuttier fringes of Presbyterianism fall out over
minuscule differences of opinion on doctrine, like how many ministers can dance on the
head of an Irn-Bru top, that sort of thing, it's unusual for them to get down and dirty
over something as vulgar as hard cash."
At the heart of the worshipping wrangle lie millions
of your earth pounds tied up in Wee Free property, endowments, bequests and the door
proceeds from the annual "Most torn-faced looking parishioner" beauty contest.
The warring factions originally split five years ago
over some trivial matter about who was shagging whom, but failure to reconcile differences
in a suitably Christian manner has led to the current impasse.
A spokeswig for the only true winners in the current
dispute told the JT: "Tragically for the parties concerned, this type of legal action
is likely to take years to drag through the courts. Tragedy for them, but happily a big
pay day for us." |
