Were inhabitants of Fife once human?
"Two hugely
significant Neolithic finds have been made in Fife." The Scotsman, 15th
July 2003.
In what will be widely seen as evidence of a very
slow news week, the press reported on Neolithic age finds, er, found in Fife.
The artefacts, dating back 5000 years, suggest that
Stone Age settlements in the region were socially sophisticated and technologically
advanced. Professor Beaker, of Edinburgh’s "Well, I wouldn’t do Time
Team even if I was asked I mean it's not proper archaeology is it?" Department of
Embittered Academics told The JT: "These finds point to the fact that Fife once
played host to early human civilisation. One must ask: what the fuck happened?"
Archaeologists reporting on the finds, point to the
discovery of an elegantly worked cup, possibly used for offerings in religious ceremonies.
A spokesstratification commented: "A cup, used for holding liquid, found in Fife? I
mean, that’s unheard of."
Meanwhile, elsewhere on planet findingthings,
fossilised remains of a plesiosaur turned up at Loch Ness, leading people with far too
much time on their hands to speculate that the 150m year-old fossil might be an ancestor
of current Loch dweller, Nessie.
Contacted for comment, Nessie told The JT: "I
don’t really care, now piss off and leave me alone." |
