| Reacting to warnings that holiday
dalliances may lead to the clap or worse, Professor Beaker of Glasgow’s
TroubleDownThere Studies fears that the warnings may cause confusion. Pausing
only to publish the names and addresses of the latest patients to the clinic on his
website, Professor Beaker explained: "I think people might get confused by the use of
the term "casual sex", I’ve already had extremely stupid people phoning me
up, totally confused by this phrase."
Contacted by the JT, Mr and Mrs McLetchie of Bo'ness confirmed they were the
extremely stupid people in question and they were totally confused by the "casual
sex" phrase.
As the thirty-years married, monogamous couple
conveniently went on to explain: "Our sex life at home is a bit regular and
monotonous, but when |
we’re on holiday in Salou, we
get filt up with Sangria and we might end up having sex at all kinds of odd times and
without regard to formality, in fact we’re quite casual about it." Mrs
McLetchie confirmed that since it appears that having sex in a casual manner, while
abroad, leads to medical problems "down below", she was cutting off Mr
McLetchie’s supply of shaggin’.
In a heartfelt plea, Mr McLetchie appealed for clarification because the Salou
fortnight was coming up soon and he did not want, in a vivid turn of phrase, to: "End
up with them scrapin’alang the grund."
A vivid phrase that is, if you’ve every been, Scottish, male and (ahem)
"deprived"… |
