| With the news this week that
improvements to the West Coast Rail Link between Civilisation and that London are to be
delayed by a year, Casey Jones is said to be bitterly disappointed. The
much loved tubby trainman of yore told the JT: "I was looking forward to a
rockin’ and indeed a rollin’ on the Cannonball Express but tragically such plans
must now be put on hold."
A spokesaquidforgantin’coffee for Virgin Trains, main operator on the
cross-border route, also criticised the decision. "This means we’ll have to go
back to the drawing board vis-a-vis rolling stock."
Long term readers* of the JT will know that the company originally planned to
introduce the Eyetie supertrain IL Pendolino on the route. Later cutbacks forced a
redesign with IL Stationari emerging as the choo-choo of choice. |
As planned track improvements are
now unlikely to be in place before Our Saviour returns to Dumbarton, Virgin Trains are now
exploring the possibility of introducing IL Buster Keaton - simply giving intending
passengers one of those hand-operated thingmies each. Travellers will now depart Central
Station, at double-frame speed, in black and white to a tinkly piano accompaniment. There
are grounds for optimism however, as Professor Beaker of Glasgow’s God Bothering
Studies explains: "When Our Saviour does indeed return, rail travel will be
redundant, as the Elect will simply float off up to heaven to join Jesus and the angels.
Sinners will be cast into The Pit, to endure an eternity of torture. Much like having your
eyelids sewn back and being forced to watch Monarch of The Glen over and over. Only not as
bad obviously." |
