As we all know, The Darien Adventure (as it was called at the time) or, The Darien Disaster as we know it to be now, was a pretty decisive factor in forcing the treaty of union with England in1707. Owing to the fact that paying for the 14-odd ships and 2000-odd settlers to colonise the Darien isthmus bankrupted the Scottish state.

In recounting the story for telly, the commissioners of "Disaster in Paradise" have obviously decided not to get caught out that way again. BBC2’s offering was an epic tale told on a shoestring budget. Imagine Ben Hur with a Playmobile set or The Battle for Stalingrad re-enacted with a Lego-type toy bought out of Poundstretcher – Disaster in Paradise was that cheap.

Part of the problem lay in trying to shoehorn two production forms into the same setting - a "dramadoc" if you will.

Thus we had the contemporary bit, as real archaeologists wandered around the site, er, finding things. And toggling back and forth, a grand total of about six actors, led by the frankly embarassed figure of Bill Paterson, attempted to put flesh on the bones of the story. Cue lots of very tight camera shots of (ahem) "17^th century" Edinburgh and, at Darien itself, a lot of talking and very little action. Thus, for example, in one scene, a Scots settler made a heartfelt plea for more musket balls to fight a marauding horde of Spaniards conveniently out of shot.

The whole thing concluded with a relieved looking Bill Paterson back in Edinburgh pointing his wig at other similarly coiffured worthies and reflecting on the perfidy of the English, since it was all their fault as usual. The only participants in this cluttered mess who came out of it with dignity intact were the modern day Indian inhabitants of the isthmus who wore looks of bemused tolerance throughout. I hope they at least got paid.

I was trying to recall what kind of show Disaster in Paradise reminded me of and I finally got it - a 1970s era school history programme with production values to match.

Let’s face it, Disaster in Paradise was a disaster.

While on the subject of on-going tits up scenarios, I see that über minger "River City" still staggers on, like a long dead zombie refusing to believe that it’s suffering from anything more life threatening than a slight head cold.

In common with 99% of the population I never watch the show, but I can’t help seeing the trailers in which lots of pointless screaming and shouting ensue.