"Hi, I’m Clark Obvious Wig, your host on tonite’s Tornado Terror. You know, most of the time making this show, our producer sends us to Tornado Alley, the southern Mid Western States, but not tonite.

For tonite, I’m coming to you live from Scone, or Scoon as the local laddies and lassies ‘round here call it, in Bonnie Scotland.And have we got a story for you tonite. I have here Ivy May Macintosh, a local bonnie lassie who has her own story about her terrifying encounter with one of nature’s most terrifying forces - the twister."

COW: "So Ivy, in your own words, what happened that fateful day?

IMM: Well, I was just out in the garden thinking about hanging out my washing.

COW: Washing? That’s like laundry right?

IMM: Aye, yer claes like. Anyway, I wis just thinking aboot it, and here, did the rain no come on?

COW: So wait, it didn’t start raining here?

IMM: Naw son, it did, that's whit I’m jist efter telling ye. So anyway I looked up in the sky and there’s this muckle big tornado thing heading towards the hoose.

COW: Ah hoose. That's like a  house right?

IMM: That’s right, so I grabbed a camera and took a few snaps o’ it.

COW: And then you jumped in the family pickup and started driving towards that ol' twister, am I right?

IMM: Son, dae I look wandert to you?

COW: So you didn’t drive towards the twister while filming it with the family camcorder?

IMM: No, that wid be a daft thing to do.

COW: Oh Kaay. So tell me then, what kind of awful damage did this force of nature do to the family home?

IMM: Well, we’re standing right outside it. Do you see anything wrang wi’ it?

COW: No dead livestock, no beloved family pets drawn up into the maelstrom?

IMM: Naw, nothing like that.

COW: OK, I guess that’s a wrap then. Maybe we can edit around this, make something of it. So, thanks anyway Ivy.

IMM: My pleasure… can I just ask, see that thing on your heid? Did you pay good money for that?