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| Fixture clash leads
to accelerated parly programme. |
| With Scotland’s do
or die etc. World Cup tie against Norway set to clash with Frau Windsor opening the
Scottish Parliament, senior civil servants in charge of the latter event on October 9th
are hurriedly revising Betty’s programme. A senior civil servant told The JT:
"Let’s face it. When it comes to a straight choice between watching the lads
getting blootered by Nordic sheep shaggers and listening to Betty drone on for hours,
well, really, you don’t need me to go on do you?"
By speeding up Betty’s timetable, we might be shot of her before kick off, as the
revised timetable below shows:
- Betty is met off the royal plane, bundled into a police car, and driven at 130 mph to
Holyrood
- McConnell’s words of welcome restricted to "Here’s your coat, whit’s
your hurry?"
- Betty given a pair of royal scissors and pushed towards the red ribbon thing
- Reading from a speech given to her by civil servants Betty will say: "Great to be
here, yadda, yadda, where do I snip?"
- Betty given a bottle of juice and cheese roll from Greggs in lieu of royal banquet and
directed towards the airport bus
- Her divine majesticness waved off by assembled MSPs who will then lead the traditional
stampede to local boozers to grab a good seat.
It is thought that the great day of pomp, circumstance and quiet reflection will end in
the traditional fashion obtaining when Scotland plays football, i.e. drunken, widely
optimistic calculations about how we can still qualify if A beat B by a squillion clear
goals in a month with an "R" in it. |
| Inside: Frank
MacAveety last to join fellow MSPs in pub, too busy finishing off last of sausage
rolls… |
July 2004
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