In a move that must have
seemed like a good idea at the time, one man think tank, the SNP’s Kenny Macaskill,
called this week for the party to reverse its long-standing opposition to NATO. Which must
have gone down well with the party leader, Alex "There can be only two, me and
Nicola" Salmond.Flushed with the prospect of Scottish troops defending Europe
against invading hordes from, er, somewhere or other, it is thought that Kenny, famous for
making it up as he goes along, will further exercise his singular facility for winging it
after seeing Spielberg’s new take on The War of The Worlds.
With the popcorn barely cooling in his lap, he will tell The JT: "It's quite clear
to me that The Earth faces a threat from beyond the stars. An independent Scotland must
fulfil its international obligations by building a fleet of faster than light battle
cruisers to combat this menace in the furthest reaches of the galaxy."
Clearly influenced by other fictive discourses, authored not a million light years from
The JT office, Kenny will further reveal the existence of a Saurrian Stargate Matrix,
previously only discernible by residents of BonnyBridge. "I have it on good authority
that Martians are poised to use the matrix to invade Bonnybridge, using deadly rays to
raze the town to the ground. Leaving it much like it is at the moment, to be honest."
Observers of intergalactic shenanigans fear that Kenny’s clarion call might
already have come too late as alien beings are already among us, flaunting their
other-worldy countenances without fear.
I mean, c’mon, you’re not trying to tell me that Ross Finnie’s human are
you?
