Long Island’s finest John McEnroe is to work on improving aspects of Wunderkind Andrew Murray’s game after the Dunblane teenager’s impressive showing at Wimbledon.

After analysing Murray’s performance John told The JT: "It's clear to me that Andrew needs to work on weaknesses in his game - mainly in the area of swearing."

After watching video tape of Andrew’s titanic struggle against the seeded Argentinean David Nalbandian, John is convinced that with coaching, the young Scot could attain greatness in the field of swearing like a bastard. " I noticed at one point when Andrew lost a point he clearly mouthed ‘Ah, fur fuck’s sake!" With proper coaching Andrew could be expleting more expletively with such gems as ‘You cannot be f****** serious you *******!’ etc."

As Scottish kids the length and breadth of Our Dear Land take to the courts armed with frying pans and ping-pong balls, serial tax-avoidance specialist and National Treasure, Shir Sean Connery called this week for more money to be made available to develop Scottish tennis at the grassroots.

He told The JT "It's crucial that the government spend more taxpayers money on this sport. Rest assured that if I actually paid any money in tax, I’d do my bit."

It also emerged this week that Scottish boxer Scott Harrison has offered to work with Murray on his fitness. In return, Murray is expected to help Harrison get served in boozers in East Kilbride.

With sponsorship money now bound to follow the Dunblane teenager, its highly likely that he will enjoy great wealth.

Yes, he’ll be Murray Minted.