| The estate agent handling the sale of ten flats pre-enjoyed by a
Dundee drug dealer is already reporting strong interest in the seized properties. Malcolm
Missives of Hooses ’r’ Us in the City of Despondency has received cash offers
for the flats. "We had a gentleman in the other day, accompanied by two large
business associates looking to buy the flats as a business investment." Carrying a
Tesco's bag full of fifty pound notes, the enquirer was keen to conclude a sale as soon as
possible, because he saw the flats as ideal components for a distribution network for
handling the sale of certain comestible items he wished to make available to Dundee’s
community. |
On being told by Mr Missives that The Crown Office was not set up to
facilitate the transfer of seized properties simply on the receipt of cash lightly dusted
with Columbian marching powder, the customer merely sighed and dug his hand into the bag
of money saying : "OK then fanny baws, how much is this going to cost me?" Despite
being an estate agent, Mr Missives continued to insist to the customer that cash deals
were not acceptable. At this point, the customer’s two business associates forcefully
intervened. |
Speaking earlier today from his hospital bed at Ninewells, Mr
Missives told the JT : "Mmm, ung, arghh, mmm." thereby demonstrating that it is
difficult to talk when your jaws are wired together. It is thought that Hooses
‘r’ Us is now under new management, although staff at the agency, two large
gentlemen who seem strangely familiar, refused to comment preferring instead to merely
slap baseball bats metronomically into their palms while staring meaningfully.
At that point,your editor made his excuses and ran. |
