During a week of further shock revelations about the sex life of SSP MSP
Tommy Sheridan, the JT can exclusively reveal the identity of the one remaining human
being with a pulse that the tawny Trot hasn’t done it with (allegedly).
After the libel court in Edinburgh had endured week after week of salacious and
consequently dead interesting allegations regarding Mr Sheridan’s (ahem)
"private" life it was thought that, given the numbers of partners allegedly
involved, Tommy had enjoyed in-and-out relations with every human being on the planet. |
However, an old lady living in Foreign has revealed to the JT that she has
not enjoyed relations of a carnal nature with Tommy "10000 in wild sex and drugs
romp" Sheridan. On being shown a
photograph of the MSP, Maria DelightfulOldForeignLadyStereotype told The JT:
"Who is this man and why are you showing me his
photograph?" Proof positive that if the geriatric granny had done sex with Tommy
she’d completely forgotten about it. Or more likely, 70-year-old widow Maria
hadn’t actually ever even met the MSP. |
It is thought that the shock revelation will allow both sides in the libel
case to now narrow down the field of possible shaggees to the remaining 6.5 billion
members of the human race. 
Oh look, isn’t she lovely? |
