| As part of New Labour’s
commitment to reviving long dead cultural forms, the good old days of Scottish Variety
Shows received a welcome boost this week as the Cabinet reshuffle paired together Helen
Liddell and Anne McGuire. "Helen and Anne", number one and two
respectively at the Scotland Office, will be taking their unique old time variety act on
the road, dressed in matching kiltie outfits.
The "St.Andrews House Slags" as they are affectionately known, will be
reincarnating the roles they played when they toured Uncle Joe’s (ahem) corrective
labour camps in the 1930s. Inmates of the camps were treated to the duo’s
affectionate tribute to Scottish Music Hall, |
belting out such standards as
"Stop your Torturing Jock!", "Grannie’s Hielan’ Gulag" and
of course the seminal "Desist comrade from attempting to remove your Babushka off the
workers’ omnibus." Elsewhere in the reshuffle, Gus Macdonald is
promoted to enforcer in chief in the Lords. Lord Macdonald has of course over the years
perfected a method to avoid bumping into old ex-comrades from his I.S.* days - he simply
tells his chauffeur to speed up…
With Alistair Darling moving to the Department of Transport there are obvious
temptations to drag out old gags punning on his surname but I can’t be arsed thinking
them up. |
