| American tourists visiting
Scotland’s capital this week were scared shitless when a be-kilted daftie insisting
in thanking them. Charles Windsor, an unemployed fiftysomething, was
seen, decked out like Harry Lauder, approaching US visitors on the Royal Mile and thanking
them for being brave.
Alvin Alvinator, a native of Cows Arse Iowa, told the JT: "This guy just
came straight up to me and shook my hand and told me I was brave. He then just kinda
wandered off looking for other Americans. I’m telling you, it really freaked me out.
Is this an example of what you guys call care in the community? I mean sure, Yoorup’s
a pretty dangerous place, but you just have to be careful" |
Mr Alvinator then clanked off down
the Mile wearing his Kevlar vest, leg and arm armour and full visored helmet. Local
police are aware of Charles but admit he’s rarely seen doing "one’s
walkabout" as the whacky Windsor is wont to put it. "When he’s in
Edinburgh" a local plod helpfully explained, "he usually just stays at his
Mum’s gaffe down at Holyrood, but mibbies the medication had started to wear
off."
The be-kilted daftie’s understanding of bravery has prompted philosophical
discussion by Edinburgh Yooni’s Professor Beaker: "If it's brave for Americans
to fly 3000 miles in security enhanced aircraft, alighting in safe as houses Edinburgh,
then how are we to describe the conduct of an Iraqi mother going out into the streets of
Baghdad looking for fresh milk for her kids?" |
