| His royal eminence and
full-time space cadet, SNP supremo John Swinney, admitted to being impressed after
listening to the Dalai Lama address the Scottish Parliament this week. "His
message of peace and pacifism was inspiring and the philosophical implications of the
Buddhist idea of the sound made by one hand clapping are quite profound. I can honestly
say it's changed my life."
But not alas, for too long, as John was forced to sit, torn-faced, as ex-SNP MSP and
ingenue Trot hack, Campbell Martin led a parly debate on Iraq for the SSP.
Speaking after the debate, Mr Swinney said Mr Martin’s intervention had led him to
revise his recently acquired allegiance to Buddhism.
"I would now embrace the practical,
rather than philosophical principle, of the sound of |
one fist punching -
preferably right intae that wee traitorous bastard’s coupon." It is thought
that Mr Swinney is hoping that Martin’s intervention will not damage the SNP’s
electoral chances.
As Professor Beaker of Dundee’s Department of Psep, er, seup, er, ye ken it's tae
dae wi’ voting ‘n’ aw that kindae pish, studies told the JT: "John
Swinney desperately needs to make gains in the Euro elections to re-inforce his authority,
especially with the SSP poised to take SNP votes.
To borrow a term from Buddhism, the sound
of no punters voting for the SNP leads to the sound of no hands clapping at a hurriedly
called crisis party conference, leading John Swinney to dry up, cough with embarrassment
and quietly quit the podium…" |
| Inside:
Speaking of religion, hands up who doesn’t remember the punchline to the following
carbon-dated gag. "Following his controversial book, "The Satanic Verses",
seen as many as an attack on Islam, Salman Rushdie announced this week plans to start work
on his next book, which he promises will be a less inflammatory treatment of another world
religion - "Fuck off Buddha, you fat bastard." " |
