"Scottish police
say they have smashed a major smuggling ring after a fishing boat carrying an estimated
£24m worth of cannabis was stopped off Spain. Authorities believe the drugs, which
weighed eight tonnes, were destined for Scotland. The swoop was co-ordinated by the
Scottish Drug Enforcement Agency. "BBC Newsonline 9th June 2005I’m
sure all right thinking people share with me a profound sense of relief that tons of
cannabis destined for Scotland is now safe in the hands of the police.
In common with all progressive public and political opinion in Scotland, your editor
firmly agrees with the view that cannabis is an illegal drug and therefore wrong.
I’m particularly heartened to see that our own Drug Enforcement Agency
co-ordinated the "swoop" and commend the actions of the highly trained budgies
who presumably effected the swooping.
While cynics, or indeed students of the English language, might suggest that the title
of the aforementioned agency implies that they are there to enforce the use of drugs, I do
not share that view. There is a long and honourable tradition in Scottish public life of
making up titles that don’t make any sense, as the most cursory glance at the jobs
bit in The Herald will attest.
Thus, the post of "Alcohol Co-ordinator" is actually a post within social
work tasked with co-ordinating the department’s action on alcohol abuse and not an
invitation to take every one’ s order for the departmental carry out. In like
fashion, an advertisement requesting the Services of an "Elder Abuse
Co-ordinator" on closer inspection involves aligning services to minimise abuse of
our older citizens and not, emphatically not, an invitation to organise the inflicting of
severe malky on the chronologically gifted.
I find that during a period of blackout I appear to have drifted somewhat from the
original thrust of this article which was of course on the badness of cannabis and I will
now conclude with a heartfelt and generous offer.
Over time readers might have unwittingly come into possession of this vile drug and are
now wondering how to safely dispose of it. Simply send the offending cling-film wrapped
item to me, The Editor, c/o "Casa de Puta", "No tengo una tratado de
extradición con la Reino Unido" , Somewhere in Spain.
Rest assured the offending materials will be duly incinerated as all right-thinking
people will agree they should.
Or, failing that, baked in a cake.
