"Initial
steps towards an £800m extension to the Glasgow underground have been unveiled.SPT chairman, Councillor Alistair Watson, said the system could
perhaps be extended beyond the city boundary, saying "If we can extend the tentacles
of this system beyond Glasgow's boundaries then I think we can do it." BBC
Online 3rd June 2005
In a frank admission the Strathclyde Passenger Transport
Authority this week unveiled plans to extend Glasgow’s subway, "The Clockwork
Orange", inferring to BBC Scotland that the new development will primarily consist of
a giant squid.
While being hailed as a brave innovation, consulting
engineers, er, consulted by The JT are not sure how this will actually work. Questions are
being raised as to how a giant, multi-limbed cousin of the octopus could be adapted to
perform as part of a mass transit system.
Professor Beaker of Paisley’s Department of
Undergroundology is however prepared to speculate:
"This is really cutting edge stuff. Instead of
passengers just sitting on their arses, they could be chased through the tunnels by this
voracious demon of the deep. Thusly, lazy weegies would be forced to take health-giving
exercise AND, as a bonus, provide a premise for reviving the genre of Japanese monster
movies. Cool."
While the Scottish Executive has funds for this type of
transport infrastructure it is thought that all available monies are already committed to
a project in Edinburgh - a system of gold-embossed hansom cabs to allow The Quality to
cross the capital in comfort safe from the attentions of local urchins reeking of lard.
Meanwhile, Glasgow Airport announced plans this week to
enliven the passenger experience by goading giant-lizard thing, Godzilla into attacking
and then eating the control tower.
