Their agent told the JT, "It’s the pressure of fame. The constant demands on their time. The getting on buses and then getting off buses again fifteen minutes later when its your stop. It’s a non-stop whirlwind of getting the odd bit of panto now and again."

The Krankies, former mainstays of any number of mid-seventies kiddy TV shows have enjoyed a recent revival of fortunes guesting on C4 programmes ironically re-appropriating '70s tat for the amusement of jaded thirty somethings and oh so clever media studies students.

Details of the long term relationship between the dwarf woman dressed up as a schoolboy, and the other one, are the subject of some gossip.

With Nicole Kidman allegedly serving as a "beard" to disguise Tom Cruise's homosexuality, speculation is rife that the stunted comedienne served as a "blindfold" shielding from public gaze the completely talentless other one.

Their agent confirmed that the chucklesome duo would continue to fulfil professional engagements, but he did ask the world's press to stay away from their next gig, an opening of a More store in Cumnock.

Professor of Scottish Culture Hingmy Beaker commented, "The Krankies form part of the great Scottish Variety tradition which will continue as long as Gerard Kelly is available for panto, again. It’s a pain in the arse but there you go…"