| A beaming Jim Wallace shocked the
Lib-Dem conference at Perth by revealing that it was he, and not some other speccy bloke,
who was enjoying close relations with Swedish strumpet Ulrika Jonsson. Jim’s
bombshell, that he was bonking the blonde, er, bombshell came after he had formally
addressed conference. Delegates expecting a report on the party’s role in the
Holyrood coalition were instead treated to a slide show presentation collectively titled:
"Just one marvellous personal achievement after another - the awesomely brilliant
career of your leader Jim."
One shell-shocked delegate told the JT: "I remember nodding off after the
first fifty or so slides and we’d only just got to Jim being made school Head Boy.
When I came round three hours later we’d only just got to the bit where Jim received
the first year prize in Law at Glasgow. |
Who now would be foolish enough to
challenge Jim for the Scottish leadership?" The conference was not
all sweetness and light however, with Enviroment Minister Ross Finnie initially coming
under attack for allowing GM crop trials to go ahead. But, in a masterstroke, conference
swung behind Mr Finnie when he revealed that his coupon had been genetically modified.
He told an visibly aroused conference: "You wouldn’t believe it now,
but I used to be a right ugly bastard. But now, thanks to GM technology, I look in the
mirror and, I swear to Christ, it's like George Clooney looking back at me."
Mr Finnie received a standing ovation as kindly men in white coats removed him
to a place of sanctuary. |
