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His Holiness calls for immediate crusade in Scotland : Scots Bishops call for immediate postponement.
His Holiness the Pope told Scottish bishops this week that the nation faces a crisis of faith and called for an immediate crusade to reverse the Scottish trend towards secularisation. Scottish bishops attending to the Pope’s every word admitted to the JT that the full implications of the Church’s leader plea hadn’t actually sunk in until they consulted Celtic’s jam packed fixture list for March. An attractively costumed cleric told The JT: "Celtic’s got two games against Rangers this month, two ties against Liverpool in the UEFA Cup and we’ve got a cup game against ICT as well. I’m afraid any crusade will have to be put on hold for the near future." In an impressive address, His Holiness expressed worries that Scotland was being lost to The Church	- a situation requiring immediate evangelical action. The spokescleric agreed but pointed to implementation issues: "What with Celtic still involved in major competitions, we’d have real problems in mobilising support for proselytising in the short term - those in the priesthood with season tickets for Paradise just wouldn’t wear it." Elsewhere on planet fitba’, Diego Maradonna Junior, 16, currently playing in the youth squad for Napoli could be on his way to Scotland to play for Clyde. Diego Senior has always denied parentage despite a DNA test. It is thought that the question of who his Dad is will only be settled once and for all if Diego Junior asks for his wages at Clyde to be paid in tenner wraps of charlie.
Inside: A Spokescleric warns; " Evangelical crusade might not start until after the UEFA Cup final - please God."
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