Giant multinational Nestle, dairy products conglomerate and (ahem) "friend" to the world’s poor is to end production of condensed milk, throwing future production of tablet into doubt.

Thankfully, BBC Scotland have offered to fill the breach as Professor Beaker of Edinburgh’s Department of 1000 Things To do With Sugar explains: "As any genetic Scot knows, the end-game of eating too much tablet is to feel a bit pat and mick. If we could simulate that feeling of digestive grue, then we wouldn’t miss consuming the physical product."

The search for a virtual analog to the tablet experience thankfully already exists, as viewers of BBC Scotland’s uber-hit Monarch of the Glen will attest.

And Professor Beaker agrees: "Who can watch the eminently punchable cast of MOTG piss about in Highland Never Never Land without feeling nauseous?"

And as proof that God exists and will provide, BBC Scotland confirmed this week that the new series of MOTG is already in production and indeed, the show will continue until the Sun implodes, and all life in the solar system is extinguished - apart from that irritating twat in the kilt.