Applying a rigorous cross-disciplinary approach, exam setters are setting exams, even as I write, in this most taxing of intellectual fields. "But what dear editor, are we to do?" I hear you, The JT’s ever-diminishing readership cry. And my response is simple: fear not.

Simply apply the search terms appended below and you will be taken, as if by magic, to the seminal texts that, as our French cousins might say, constitute the kernel of the oeuvre that is The Jaggy Thistle. While cynics might scoff that this whole exercise is a sham thought up to divert attention from the fact that your editor is off to the rugby this weekend and therefore cannot be arsed writing anything new, nothing could be further from the truth. Sort of.

So, draw up a chair, uncork that industrial strength magnum of Babycham, put out your SO, bring in the cat for the night and prepare for a long and possibly very tedious odyssey into the alt-reality we are pleased to call The Jaggy Thistle. The search terms below have been chosen by an eminent panel of boffins to reflect the cultural diversity that is encapsulated in The JT. Some terms will lead you to squillions of stories, others, slightly less. But wherever your flashing digits take you, you’ll be guaranteed a good time.*

Alternatively, just come along to the rugby on Sunday, you might see me there. I’ll be the one with my head in my hands, crying in despair.

Have a good weekend anyway. And if you’re reading this after the weekend has passed, where on earth have you been and what’ve you been up to?

• "Bollocks"
• "Forget I said anything."
• "Pausing only to"
• Professor Beaker"
• "God"
• "hack"
• "Windsors"
• "shagging"
• "Health"
• "Science"