thistleJaggy Thistle

 
"Oh Canada! it’s a very nice countree"
The Canadians were in Scotland this week, trying to attract Scots to cross the pond for more than just a visit. So, if you’re thinking of emigrating, here’s a handy cut out and keep guide of essential facts about Canada.
  • Driving snow, sub-zero temperatures, yes, May in Canada is certainly invigorating.
  • The Canadians are very good at ice-hockey, which is basically GBH with added sticks.
  • Like Scots, Canadians are famous for exhibiting stoical good humour in the face of adversity. Yes, they’ve got neighbours from hell to the South as well.
  • Don’t hold a door open for a Canadian and invite them to go first. You’ll be there all bloody day…
  • Brian Adams recorded "Everything I do" and was allowed to live. I told you Canadians were tolerant…
  • And Celine Dion’s still breathing as well.
  • The famous Mounties aren’t very good at going undercover. The hats tend to give them away.
  • It's not just cold all year ‘round in Canada. In June, there’re blackflies as well!*
Inside: This is true.

Years ago, your esteemed editor was taking a summer’s evening walk along Yonge Street in Toronto. It must’ve been early evening, I remember, because it was 8.30pm and the bars were still open (arf).

Anyhoo, I made the mistake of acknowledging the drunken greeting of some gassed bam who, it turned out, came fae Maryhill and was attracting the interest of the local polis. The ensuing, and mercifully brief, conversation went something like this:

DB: Come oan, me and you’ll take on they bastardin polis.

Me:I don’t think so pal.

DB: How no? Are you no Scottish?

Me: Yes, I’m Scottish but that doesn’t make me fuckin’ stupid.

*With climatic apologies to people living in BC.
March 2005

New news   Recent news    Contact