| Defenders of all things nice,
Scottish Natural Heritage reported this week that the hedgehog cull on North Uist worked
out at £1800 per tiny little erinaceus skull. Barely able to contain his
visceral loathing a SNH spokesjumper told the JT: "Let’s face it. These spiny
egg eating bastards had it coming. £1800 a pop is a bargain in anyone’s book."
However, it is thought that under competitive tendering legislation the Scottish
Executive may be forced to look around for a cheaper quote when the gloves go on again to
teach the jaggy–coated mass murderers another lesson.
Pausing only to cherish a sip of the first glass of port of the day, a senior
civil servant yawned languidly and said in a cut glass accent: "While the total cost
of the SNH operation, £90000, wouldn’t |
pay for one day’s supply of
consultants at Scottish Enterprise, the great unwashed i.e. the taxpayers, might consider
ninety grand a bit much. To keep the unkempt masses from asking too many awkward
questions, the next round of culling will be carried out by Columbian drug dealers who are
promising to do the job for £10K." At the time of writing it is not
known if the mono-lingual Columbians are completely au fait with the admittedly fine
distinction in English between "cull hedgehogs" and "kill everything on
North Uist."
Elsewhere on planet politics, with the Lib-Dems now apparently OK with
Jack’s plans to get "tough on neds and tough on the causes of neds" i.e.
the parents, Jim Wallace is looking forward to being at the heart of the new legal regime
- by being moved from Justice to the Enterprise portfolio. |
