The show, featuring lovable couthy highland characters living just off the main road to Brigadoon can, doctors warn, cause severe disorientation and nausea.

At risk are people who have even a passing knowledge of the effects of lairdism in Scottish history. Symptoms include that sick feeling you get after eating too much tablet, an overwhelming desire to twat the synaptically challenged git in the kilt and a deeply held feeling that BBC Scotland will do anything to get the ratings.

A spokesperson for BBC Scotland agreed that the programme should not be watched by anyone with a trace of Scottish blood in their veins,

"We should have made it clear that the show is for Southern English consumption only, people who like watching things where deeply complex class and national conflicts are magicked away by making all the characters lovely, and setting the 'story' in a beautiful natural setting with not an Arndale Centre in sight."

Scottish viewers will, in future, be warned prior to the show by an announcement that "the following programme contains scenes of extreme shortbreadness and may induce boalking, if effected just turn the fuckin' thing off and do something useful instead."