| Archie McMunn, millionaire owner
of Neeps R Us plans to mount a referendum campaign on the question of whether Scottish
kids should get any formal education at all. "Schools
are a danger to the moral health of our children. It's time the people of Scotland were
given a voice." He added that he had nothing personal against "purveyors of evil
secularist propaganda" or teachers as they are otherwise known.
"This isn't about persecuting individuals, although
they'll all burn in hell for all eternity obviously, its about putting a stop to all this
reading and writing and that other one, begins with r..."
Mr McMunn asserted that it was against biblical
fundamentals to allow children to get ideas in their heads, and addressing the attendant
press corps, the turnip magnate flourished a copy of the bible asking, |
"Where does it say in here
that our kids should be exposed to ideas that might allow them to develop as rational,
tolerant individuals?" Contacted for comment,
the supreme Deity's spokesangel, Gabriel, insisted that too literal interpretations of the
word of God were not to be encouraged. "Look, it's just a set of guidelines, don't
read too much into it. It's not as if it's holy writ or anything."
Gabriel went on to say, "Just try to be kind to each
other, encourage your kids to learn and to respect others, I mean, Christ almighty, its
hardly rocket science is it?"
God refused to come to the 'phone because he was watching
Southpark on Sky.
City Notes: Shares in Neeps R Us dipped sharply in early
trading yesterday but recovered when mashed with butter, salt and pepper. |
