| Mainly, it
would appear, because they’ve got nothing better to do, the great and the good of
this our own etc. have been discussing what bird should feature as the national bird for
Scotland. Scottish Tory leader, Annabel Goldie is pressing the case for the golden
eagle. Why Ms Goldie is pursuing this particular line of advocacy must remain a mystery,
however, I would ask shrewd JT readers to peruse the featured pics of said beaky creature
and the golden eagle and draw their own conclusions.
 
As is often the case in matters of great national import, a lot of time and effort
could’ve been saved had the nation simply asked me what bird was most appropriate as
a symbol of our land.
Step forward the budgie. |
Think back
to the your own Granny’s living room in sepia-tinted days of yore and recall what
proud representative of the avian community featured in its own little cage, located just
between the wood-effect encased Bush telly and the mantelpiece. Was it a golden
eagle? Was it Falkirk.
No, it was a budgie called Joey.
Budgies were always called Joey because that was their name.
Joey asked for very little in life apart from the occasional piece ("Joey wants a
piece.") or perhaps a small libation around the festive season ("Joey wants a
sherry"). Not for Joey a life soaring majestically above the craggy outcrops of Ben
Something Or Other. No, Joey was content with a perch, a dingly bell to peck and a mirror,
enquiring thereof "Who’s a pretty boy?"
And what was the source of this admirable quietude?
"Trill" of course. |
You see, as every
stoner knows, that little box of grains contained the odd (ahem) "special" grass
seed, ingestion of which by our little brightly plumaged friend engendered a peaceful
lassitude. Yes, thousands of Joeys, in living rooms throughout the land were off their
collective little beaky faces. It has been objected by frankly ill-informed critics that
the budgie, unlike the golden eagle, is not a native of Scotland. Now, leaving aside the
frankly distastefully racist tenor of that objection, I would ask critics to consider only
this: are golden eagles really native to these shores? Have you checked their passports?
How do you know?
OK, so maybe back in the dim and distant past, budgies did come from overseas but the
fact is that now they are fully integrated members of the Scottish community whose
behaviour best reflects the habits and customs of their human hosts in Scotland: we spend
most of our time sitting in the living room watching the telly while ripped to the tits.
Don’t hog the Trill dude. |
Sorted !