| Mad as a
monkey boxer Scott Harrison received the go-ahead from medics this week to defend his WBO
title in December. Recently released from a Spanish prison after banjoing a local
polisman, the rubber-room-bound Harrison had been previously diagnosed with a personality
disorder and depression after a series of knock-out decisions awarded against unsuspecting
members of the public following copious consumption of rubber man juice.
However such trifling mental matters have not counted in the decisions of medics asked
to rule if Harrison was fit to defend his title. |
Professor
Beaker of Dundee’s Department of Daft Medical Decisions, pausing only to tape his
hands and pull on his gloves, now explains the reasoning : "Traditionally, a medic,
presented with evidence that the patient suffers from uncontrollable mood swings
accompanied by violent outbursts, would recommend a therapeutic regime aimed at
stabilising the patient’s condition. This would not normally include giving the
patient the go-ahead to engage in violent behaviour. The decision in the Harrison case
leads me to conclude that the medics concerned are more interested in witnessing a really
good malky session rather than acting in the interests of the patient." |
Harrison called his
time in prison "a wake-up call" as he spent a month bereft of the old laughing
ginger. It is thought that a useful therapeutic
device might involve sitting the bampot boxer down with crayons and a sheet of paper
sketching out the relationship between outbursts of drunken violence and the consumption
of mucho swallie.
In any case, Harrison’s present destructive trajectory suggests that a film will
be made in the near future cataloguing the fighter’s inevitable decline - and
what’s the betting that the pair sap won’t be around to attend the premiere? |
