| "Well, let me see now. It
must’ve been back in the fall of ’95. We’d been tracking two Frenchies
who’d been gun-running to the Indians out West and I reckon we must’ve tracked
those two critters clear across most of Canada, from Manitoba all the way into Quebec
itself. There was me, Sergeant McConnell, and Corporal Andy Kerr. Good
man Andy, never met a man from that day to this faster with a Sage spreadsheet program and
that’s the truth.
Anyway, we tracked these two outlaws clear into Quebec itself, to a place by a
river, called Quebec City. Well, I’ll tell you, what we happened upon that day was a
mite bigger than gun-running.
See, in those days, Quebec City was the center of the Frenchies afussing
an’ agitating over separatism. You don’t hear much tell of that now, but back
then they were fixin’ to hold a referendum over the matter.
Now, I don’t hold much with these referenda doings. To my mind if you can
fix the result in advance by spinning a yarn or two, like we did with the Stock Transfer
in Glasgow then that’s fine, but otherwise referenda are a mighty risky business.
Anyway, Andy and I were camped some way from one of their fancy voting stations
and we could see the locals all decked out with their fleur de lys flag doings milling
around, looking like they were fixin’ to do themselves some votin’. |
So I turned to Andy, hunkered down
behind his nag, Cathy Jamieson, and I says, "Well Andy, what d’you reckon to
this? I think democracy’s in a bit of a spot eh?" And Andy
just nodded slow like, and rummaged around in old Cathy’s saddlebags, pulling himself
out the biggest megaphone I’ve seen this side of a Countryside Alliance rally.
And Andy just switched that machine of his on and started laying down a volley
of warnings. Saying things like "Move away from the ballot box! Investment’s
under threat! Economic indicators all point downwards! Recession up ahead!" an’
such like.
Well, I guess it worked, ‘cos I see all those Frenchies a scatter and head
out back to their cabins. And the rest you know. Canada was saved ‘cos those
Frenchies saw sense thanks to just one man, his bum chin and a megaphone.
‘Course, me and Andy, our wild roving days are behind us now. But some
days, in the Scottish parliament when that critter John Swinney’s running off at the
mouth about referenda and such, I look over to Andy and I could swear I see him reaching
for that old megaphone of his. He does get funny looks from Cathy Jamieson
tho’." |
