| In an often emotional press conference last week, representatives
from both of Scotland’s largest cities finally admitted to relationship issues and
pledged to get help. Smiling bravely through the tears and snotters, a jointspokeshack
told The JT: "It's been obvious to everyone else in Scotland that Edinburgh and
Glasgow have been at each other’s throats since Christ left etc. By appointing an
joint-envoy we hope to address these issues squarely and move on."
The new "joint-envoy" will, (according to
BBC News this week) "focus on joint bids and collaboration in areas such as tourism. |
The successful candidate would also attempt to work on plans to cut
the journey time between the two cities." So early hopes that the new appointee
would work on constructing a forty mile long fat one proved cruelly misplaced…
While the world of worlds has generally welcomed the latest attempt at reconciliation
between the warring burghs, Professor Beaker of Paisley’s Department of Studying
Stuff warns that there might be some way to go in dealing with past issues: "As in
any relationship where enmity develops, it will take time to achieve what we psychologists
call closure." |
Although when we asked a Weegie
what he thought about closure he replied "Closing Edinburgh? Fuckin’ great
idea". Sadly such negativity was not confined to the ill-kempt Clyde-side
slum-dwellers. When we asked denizens of the Capital’s New Town what would most
improve Glasgow City Centre, the frankly disappointing answer is illustrated below.
Edinburgh’s vision for Glasgow
|
