| With the publication this week of
Sir William Stewart's report on the health impact of mobile phones, an industry spokesman
welcomed the report's call for more research, "just as long as people continue buying
mobile phones meantime." Happy that the
report had reached no firm conclusions on health impact - the mibbies aye, mibbies no
approach, the industry needed parents to take a responsible view - and continue to buy
mobiles for their kiddies.
"Frankly" the spokesman went on speaking frankly,
"we're in the hole to the tune of £32 billion over the new WAP licenses, we need a
revenue stream guaranteed, and we would urge any parents out there who haven't yet given
in to their offspring's continual whining and begging to give in and buy the brat a
phone." |
The industry spokeman noted that a
programme of health research could "take years without producing any
concrete results -thank Christ". The
spokesman concluded that the industry would rise to the challenge of developing the next
generation of teenage fashion accessories.
"In a few years we'll be ready to roll out a glow in the
dark baseball cap made of depleted uranium, which will allow us to continue our industry
strategy of taking money off stupid people and storing it safely in our corporate
coffers." |
