| Celtic's director of football,
Kenny Dalgleish confirmed today that the search for a chief coach at the embattled club
was over. He told the assembled press that, subject to negotiations, Pikachu, top Pokemon
character, would take over the reins at Parkhead. "I said right at the start to all of youse that the club wouldn't be
rushed into appointing just anybody to this job." Mr Dalgleish went on, glowering at
pressmen present and emitting a low pitched growling noise.
Pikachu, Mr Dalgleish revealed, was possessed of special
powers making the children's cartoon favourite an ideal choice at Parkhead.
"Pikachu can emit devastating bolts of electricity out
of wee red spots on his cheeks making him a formidable opponent in his battles with other
Pokemonsters."
|
In addition, Mr Dalgleish pointed
out, the character had good all round fighting skills, kicking and punching adeptly. And a
thunderbolt sticking out of his plump little yellow arse. The press conference to this point seemed quite amiable given the Celtic
director's previous fraught encounters with the media, but a question from the floor
radically changed the tone. When it was pointed out that Pikachu wasn't in fact real, but
a device to sell stuff dreamed up by a Japanese corporation, Mr Dalgleish slumped back in
his seat, crossed his arms across his chest and put on a petted lip."Just youse
wait" Mr Dalgleish muttered, before lapsing into silence and staring at the ceiling.
(Technical assistance on this gag provided by Lewis Aged 10.
Thanks Lewis) |
