| Joy was quite literally unconfined
throughout Scotland at the weekend as grateful subjects gave thanks for the continued good
health HRH the Granny Queen. The Reverend Oily Obsequious, minister of
the church local to the Queen Mum's ancestral home Glamis Castle was quick to agree that
the elderly aristocrat looked in good shape, "I think that the ongoing good health of
Her Royal Wrinkliness confirms that Our Saviour looks upon the Royal Family with special
favour. Apart from that royal wreck Princess Margaret of course, who's just a bitch
anyway."
Glamis Castle welcomed the local community through its doors, past the minefield
and over the disconnected electric fence, at the weekend, with royal staff encouraging
locals to celebrate the regal birthday in a programme of carnival style events. |
Popular was the donate a pint
stall, where suitable blood was drained from willing locals to ensure the continuing
health of the Queen Mum. A duty equerry told the JT: "obviously workers on the estate
have been coming forward in the droves to donate blood for her Ma'amness. Only a few
workers refused and we've got their names so they're fucked vis-a-vis an ongoing being
employed with tied cottage scenario." The local tourist board
advised visitors to Glamis Castle this weekend to allow extra travelling time and not to
ask "Where's the room where they locked up Auld Lizzie's daft relative then?"
The RSPCA are advising any monkeys in the area to avoid the castle if they want
to hang on to their glands. |
