| At a packed shareholders meeting,
Elizabeth Windsor, chief executive of "Royalty U've Got (whether you like it or not)
PLC", disclosed a satisfactory trading performance over the last fiscal year. In
what was a difficult trading period, the monarchist monopoly had been forced into making
economies, her royal graciousness confirmed to waiting lackeys. Savings made in this year
will be carried over into the next financial year when the company celebrates the present
chief executive's golden jubilee in office.
As part of the official programme of untrammelled happiness, the royal entourage
will spend a week in Scotland. Planned highlights include a programme of opening things,
dressing up as a soldier to receive salutes before finally retiring to Balmoral to shoot
small animals while done out like Harry Lauder. |
Across the land of glens, lochs and
More stores, hordes of confused old biddies will be released from special holding pens,
free at last to wave mini union jacks and cheer convincingly. A
spokesdeckchair for the Scottish travel industry confirmed to the JT that the royal visit
will provide a boost to tourism. "We expect to do record business as millions of
Scots book last minute holidays to anywhere at all as long as its not here.." he told
the JT while hurriedly packing a bag.
Meanwhile, pollsters Cistern Three asked 99% of the population "Would you
do the Queen's job for a million pounds?"
In what can only be a statistical anomaly, 100% of those asked responded:
"Fuck aye. Can I start on Monday?" |
