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March
2008
Fir
Hill fur thrills, Fir Park fur mud : marketing opportunity ahoy!
With Motherwell FC struggling to play any football this season on
the ploo'd park that is their ground, Club chairman, John Boyle
may have come up with a way out.
"Halfwits
must have free vote" halfwit-in-chief asserts
Cardinal Keith O'Brien, heid bummer of The One Truth Church in Scotland,
has called on Labour MPs to be allowed a free vote in the upcoming
embryology bill going through Westminster.
"Fat,
dumb and happy" : shock new report
A report published this week revealed the shock finding that at
over 160 Scots are content to live off state benefits, refuse offers
of work and talk bollocks in public!
On
radical change…
As a service to readers, we here word-check Wendy Alexander's policy
paper "Change is what we do", to be presented to the Scottish
Labour Party Conference.
Naked
surfer film burned, naked surfers to receive psychiatric help
Never
have our crivvens been so comprehensively jingsed, or has our boabs
been previously found in such dire need of help! Ladies, avert your
gaze, for we are about to talk about the bodies of naked men
Squaddie
to insist he be treated like just like any other average person
who's third in line to the throne
Following Prince
Harry's deployment in Afghanistan, Private Hughie McPherson, Argyll
and Sutherland Higlanders Battalion of the Royal Regiment of Scotland
will now insist that he not be given any special treatment either.
Scots
on the box: "Empty". BBC 2, Thursdays, 100pm. Waiting
for The Punch line
Someone once said, actually I think it might have been me come
to think of it, that Gregor "Rab C Nesbitt" Fisher was
born to play two roles. Either of the two leads in Waiting For Godot
(not fussed which) and the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. Well,
I think "Empty" ticks the Beckett box
February
2008
Senior
police "baffled" by loss of £120K
Senior police
officers at Lothian and Borders confessed themselves "baffled"
last night at the removal of £120K from force coffers.
White
stag "freaking out" normal stags
While
animal lovers reacted with delight last week following the filming
of a rare white stag, other stags in the area aren't too pleased.
Forth
Rail Bridge paint job finishes : search for new simile begins
Engineers working on the historic Forth Railway Bridge confirmed
this week that it will no longer be necessary to continuously re-paint
the iconic structure.
"Postman
Pissed" fined, banned, put on shortlist for Nobel prize for
fiction
It is a rare
privilege to be able to introduce a major creative talent to the
wider world but such is your editor's privilege today.
Yes,
truly up you could not make it as we retail here the recent court
case of postman William Harvey.
Links
we like
A bit of a mixed bag this week, links fans. A mix of the usual and
weird, and the unusual, weird and disturbing, but we'll come to
that later.
January
2008
Donald
Trump: "Alex Salmond, an amazing man and totally my bitch"
Curiously
coiffured gazillionaire Donald Trump paid fulsome tribute to First
Minister Alex Salmond this week, describing him as, "an amazing
man and totally my bitch."
Salt
spoilsports set scrimping sodium safety standards so spoiling savouring
severely sautéed spud scran
A
council has urged local chip shops to cut back on the salt they
put on chips after a survey found huge discrepancies in the amounts
being used.
BBC News OL, 28th January, 2008.
Mystic
Browne says: "No more resignations." Correct Lottery numbers
to follow
Part-time
Scottish Secretary Des Browne was in town this week assuring the
waiting media that no Labour ministers north or south of the border
will resign anytime soon.
Links
we like
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over
a snowsuit, you may live in Canada
New
Forth Bridge : 100% rise in not-going-anywhereness
With
high winds again closing the existing Forth Road Bridge this week,
The Scottish government defended its choice of a new bridge, promising
that the proposed crossing would offer travellers fresh opportunities
in not-going-anywhereness.
Ruby
Murray chef ban continues while monolingual mince maestro directed
through green channel
Deeply-embedded,
well-loved aspects of Scottish culinary culture were under threat
this week as it was revealed that government immigration policy
was threatening that ancient Scottish dish - the Ruby Murray.
"It's
Scotland's Radioactive Rubbish!" "That oil slogan was
getting so old" says SNP
In
what is seen as being a sure vote-winner, the SNP have thrown out
the old "It's Scotland's Oil!" slogan replacing with the
much more up-to-date "It's Scotland's Radioactive Rubbish!"
"It's
being so cheerful" etc. : Year of Highland Culture ends, decades
of tornfaced moaning continue
With
the Year of Highland Culture safely consigned to the dustbin of
history, our Highland communities can now get back to what they
enjoy best - moaning their tits off.
Why
not have a rummage in the archives? 2006
2005 2004 2003
2002 2001
2000
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