| Delighted managers at Edinburgh
Airport reported record increases in traffic numbers and told the JT that they would be
pushing to build a second runway at the airport. Airport supremo Peter
Propellerhead puts the increase in business down to two main factors and argued that the
new runway could ease some of the city’s pressing social problems. "First, The
new parliament has resulted in an influx of what sociologists call "nice people"
into the city, mainly flying up from London to buy property at grossly inflated prices as
they settle in Edinburgh to do vital jobs like running PR agencies and sucking up to MSPs.
Second, we act as a hub for all the budget airlines and they all need to fill their planes
up." |
A second runway would, Mr
Propellerhead argued, allow the airport to handle more flights and at the same time deal
with the problem of what sociologists call dole scum. "We need joined up thinking
here. Just think how much good quality building land could be freed up if we got rid of
all those ghastly people who live in places like Pilton. And what do we do with said
ghastly people? Simple, stuff them onto outgoing 737s and let somebody else look after
them." It is expected that this new social exclusion strategy will
come into effect within the next few months, allowing Edinburgh to fulfil its destiny - a
365, 24/7 cultural theme park free of unkemp working class oiks reeking of chip fat |
