| Widespread disquiet was reported
this week amongst the organisers of the Rural Rebels following soundings that suggested
public opinion in Scotland think the protestors are a bunch of twats. Demonstrations by
the rebels in Edinburgh in the last week included a horseback charge along
Edinburgh’s thoroughfares accompanied by high- pitched braying noises. An Edinburgh
spokespolis told the JT: "We asked the organisers to speak in English but they
insisted in simply mimicking equine vocalisations. Fuckin’ weird if you ask me."
A poll carried out by Cistern Three for the JT will make depressing reading for the
rural protestors. In a carefully selected sample of those Scots not in monthly receipt of
non-means tested income support, or agricultural subsidy as its also known, 100% of those
polled agreed with the proposition that "the appearance, behaviour and out and out
loonyness of the protestors suggest that the authorities' recent culling activities in the
countryside were somewhat wide of the mark." |
An organiser for the protestors
expressed disappointment at the survey findings and agreed that the image of the rebels
might be a drawback. Pausing only to shoot a passing vole the spokessadist told the JT :
"We’ve been very careful to only allow our relatively sane members anywhere near
a microphone. Some of our more inbred members just howl at the moon - in broad
daylight." Elsewhere, representatives of the nation’s vulpine community
called on the government to protect traditional countryside pursuits. One pointy eared
predator told the JT: "Our pursuit of small mammals and birds is being obstructed by
the activities of red-coated things sitting atop horses and chasing us with dogs. The
noise they make is scaring our dinner away, which is a shame because our prey really enjoy
being hunted down and killed."
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