| Chaos reigned at the Scottish
parliament last week when outgoing SNP supremo, Alex Salmond collapsed, poleaxed by his
own erudition. Mr Salmond, during an attack on
minister Sam Galbraith over the SQA debacle, was attempting a very tricky double mixed
metaphor with a reverse twist when he cried out and fell to the floor.
As concerned MSPs crowded round the stricken politician, a
mysterious green gowned figure appeared, features hidden by a surgical mask and a flowery
shower hat thing. Shouting "let me through, I'm a doctor" the mystery medic
rushed to Mr Salmond's side and began throttling him while muttering "Die you
bastard, die" When security staff intervened, the strangely familiar figure rushed
away pausing only to remonstrate with staff for their "interfering impudence." |
As Mr Salmond was being loaded onto
a stretcher, Minister Sam Galbraith entered the chamber asking all and sundry what had
been happening while he'd been away for a cup of tea, for ages and ages. Mr Salmond's condition is not unusual says Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's
Department of Psychology "Many politicians suffer from semantic overload when
attempting to string a series of soundbites together, leading to synaptic dysfunction and
general smartarseness."
Unusually, SNP Education spokesfish Nicola Sturgeon was not
available for immediate comment because she was away spawning in the Baltic.
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