| In a touching ceremony at
Holyrood last week, Sean Connery was knighted for services to drama and tax avoidance.
Locals daft enough to pay taxes at the standard rate looked on as Mr Connery and Mrs
Windsor enjoyed a few moments of chat after she hit him on the shoulders with a sword thus
inducting the fervent Scottish nationalist into the mysteries of the most archaic social
status system in the known universe. Afterwards,
with readings on the "Irony meter" going off the scale, the bearded pensioner
revealed that the Queen was most interested in his own complex system for avoiding paying
any UK tax. Sibilants slurring silkily, Mr Connery said: "She was really interested
to know how I get away with it. She said that the 'bastard tax man' had only recently
caught up with her and now she was being forced to pay tax just like the little
people."
Her Majesty went on to express an interest in
"buying a gaffe in Marbella in case it all goes pear-shaped here" and Mr Connery
promised to send her some brochures and she could pay him the postage anytime, no hurry,
just as soon as she could see her way clear.
In return, Her Majesty promised to check and see if
being a knight attracted any additional tax breaks. "I was surprised" Mr Connery
concluded "by how much we had in common - scads of dosh mainly."
Mr Connery and Her Majesty paused briefly to
acknowledge the cheers of the local hoi polloi, waving, smiling and muttering "so
long suckers" under their breath. |
