| Leading spokesclerics breathed a
sigh of relief this week as the Scottish Executive produced plans aimed at the promotion
of heterosexuality in the nation's schools. The new policy, "Section 29" will
make the promotion of straight sexuality a curriculum requirement in post-primary
education. Education Minister Jack McConnell told the JT, "Cynics
might see this development as a craven climbdown in the face of a vitriolic homophobic
campaign waged by the loony tunes Christian fringe but nothing could be further from the
truth. The new policy simply recognises that many Labour MPs rely on the tacit support of
the Mother Church in getting the vote out."
Curriculum elements will include discussion groups around the issues of,
"Why it's great to be normal,", "Just say no to deviance" and
"Informing on fellow pupils who take an unhealthy interest in dressing well and
displaying sensitivity." |
Leading experts in human sexuality
are watching the new developments with interest. A boffin told the JT, "Given
the initial premise of the original Keep the Clause faction, that sexuality preference
could be 'taught', we fully expect that, in the future, with this new policy in place,
everyone in Scotland will be as butch as fuck."
It is predicted that whole areas of the arts, culture and hairdressing will
consequently suffer as the domestic supply of gay people simply dries up.
"In the future," the source concluded,
"we may have to encourage the emigration to Scotland of gay men and women to ensure
our creative industries do not die out." |
